Saturday, May 31, 2008

maybe it's the weather

people at work as well as family and friends often comment on my patience with punkin and the kids i work with. and i do feel quite calm around them most of the time. i have my moments, but everyone does. i can get wacked in the jaw, for example, by a four-year-old as i am attempting to restrain him so that he stops hitting his head on the floor, and not yell at him or stop my restraint or even let him know he hurt me. he calms down, we go to the nurse to get ice, and we head out to recess. a few hours later i have x-rays done of my jaw -- no signs of fracture. i did not lose my focus or my temper. punkin can dump his milk out on the table (on purpose) or remove his diaper and pee on the carpet (on purpose) and i just roll my eyes and clean it up.

But.

I Feel So Extraordinarily Impatient Today.

not about the punkin, but about life in general. i am itching for a change. the thing that is adding to my frustration is that some of the things i feel impatient about, i have a large amount of control over -- making them happen more quickly, i mean. or at least attempting to change the current situation. other things i have limited or no control over, and that should bother me more. except i keep sitting here waiting for change to happen, for new circumstances to just fall in my lap (which drives my counselor crazy). i'm waiting to just wake up one morning, for example, and no longer crave high fructose corn syrup and yellow dye number six. to instead drink a cold water on my way to the office where i work at a job, no a career, that utilizes my education and my abilities. and has dental. so i end up feeling blech because i haven't sent out any resumes and i have had two mountain dews, when in reality i can change both of those things in about a week. so why don't i?

if my friend were telling me this i would remind him that he deserves to happy.

if my friend were telling me this i would remind her that motherhood doesn't define her. she's still a woman, a person, with dreams and needs and ambitions.

i'm pretty sure most of you are thinking, "so just do it already!" (i know my counselor is.)

Friday, May 30, 2008

help wanted

i need a girl to come live next door to me so i can walk in and be like, "is this okay to wear?" or "editor jeans or flare?" or "are flare jeans even in style anymore?" or "shrug or no shrug over this shirt?" and she would have to be able to to say, "um...maybe try a different pair? those might not be the most flattering for your body type."

Thursday, May 29, 2008

mommy tag

FXS Mom tagged me!

1. WAS YOUR FIRST PREGNANCY PLANNED? Nope.
2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME? Engaged, but I called it off at about 3 months.
3. WHAT WERE YOUR REACTIONS? A little surprised and a lot scared, but in that out-of-body experience kind of way.
4. WAS ABORTION AN OPTION FOR YOU? Nope.
5. HOW OLD WERE YOU? 21
6. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT? Good old campus health center.
7. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST? Sarah (cause she was with me), Lion (cause Sarah and I dragged her to the hospital to confirm it with us), my parents (at Applebees), and then my sister (via a phone call from Applebees during which I temporarily conceeded the title of Good Daughter).
8. DID YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE SEX? Yes, though I was pretty convinced he was a girl.
9. DUE DATE? January 16
10. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS? 15 pounds and three months of it
11. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE? Chinese food (which I never liked before) and mashed potatoes, and almost every night I would eat a raspberry yogurt, a mini pickle, and 2 slices of cheddar cheese
12. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST? My sense of smell was heightened. Otherwise I think I was pretty happy.
13. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILD’S SEX? Male
14. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING? When I first found out, I was stunned. I didn't know what to do with a boy! But by the time I had him, I was happy.
15. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT YOUR PREGNANCY? Lost 15, gained 30, lost 8.
16. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER? Yes. My sister and my aunts planned it. It was wonderful.
17. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW? I knew. I helped make chocolate covered pretzels for it, too. Mmmmm.
18. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY? Besides barfing All The Time? I had a lot of gall stones during my eight month. Had to go on a low-fat, bland diet until I had it removed two weeks after he was born.
19. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH? In a lovely hospital room.
20. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR? Not sure, really. I was having contractions for maybe a week or two before "real" labor started at about midnight the night before I was scheduled to be induced. I waited until 5:30 a.m. to wake up Oma. We drove to the hospital a short time later. I had him at about 1pm.
21. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL? Oma
22. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH? Oma, Auntie, and a good friend from church who is a nurse at the hospital.
23. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION? Natural
24. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN? I had planned to, but once I asked things started happening too quickly.
25. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH? 9lbs 1oz
26. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN? A week after his due date.
27. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER? In utero he was Enzo (as in Enzo Ferrari). Now he's Punkin.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

we're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo

Something about the ride to Auntie's house became a tad overwhelming. He kept asking for Opa and his friends. Not sure how or why a ducky on the head helps, but it does. And I'm pretty sure I haven't thanked Aunt K enough for this dvd player....
Auntie, Punkin, and I decided to grab some "burders and fench fies" and head to the zoo. Feel free to ignore the weirdo look on my face as well as the fact that my white capris and my legs are the exact same shade of pale (please refrain from the Casper jokes, thankyouverymuch) He walked back and forth across this bridge for a long time. Finally! Time to check out the animals! The seals were a pretty big hit. The goats, as usual, were a love/hate experience. It was fantastic for Auntie to feed the goats, but not even a consideration for Punkin to touch them. Check out the little guy's face. Hehehehe. Oh my goodness! Turtles! I had to pry him away from the tank. The bear, for some reason, was perplexing to Punkin. I thought he was very bearish, myself.
Auntie suggests the carousel. Good call! We even found a "raff," which he politely reminded me was his "raff" every time I rested a finger. Overall, it was a great first trip to a big zoo. Very little nervous arm-biting and only a little tantruming over losing his Hot Wheels after he whipped them across the walkway.

Then it was off to Auntie's to attempt a nap. Totally unsuccessful at that one. So we packed it up and drove to the World's Largest Brat Fest sponsored by Johnsonville (duh). There was one tent for brats and dogs and one tent for condiments. Check out the excitement! He hugged me for about 4 minutes. And then he ate two dogs. YEAH!
The next day we went to Auntie's church and their community picnic (more "dot dogs") before heading to my aunt and uncle's for my cousin's graduation party. Where Punkin stripped naked and climbed in the hot tub once he saw all the other kids do it. I thought for sure he'd say it was too hot, but he LOVED it.

All in all, a fabulous holiday weekend. We are truly blessed!

And did you catch the Cubs game tonight??? Whoo-hoo!

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

sneaky skills, mr. punkin

i walk into punkin's classroom. "mom! mom! ma mom!" i love being the reason for his joy.
"hi, punkin!"
he asks, the same way he does every day,"da tar? nack? da tar? nack? otay!"
"yes, okay. we will get a snack and go to the car." i hand him a bag of chex mix from the vending machine. we walk out together and drive to my doctor's office.* we're early and punkin is still eating, so we sit in the car and wait.**
"may i have some please?"
"some? ya. otay. ya. here doh." he holds out a single piece of chex cereal.
"thanks," i reach for it.
"no. no," he rips his hand away.
"can i have some please?"
"no. no. my work," clutching them against his chest.
"punkin! please?"
he takes a bite of the piece of chex. his crumby, chubby fingers maintain a firm grasp on the miniscule remains of the cereal. he shrugs his shoulders, " dall don."
"all gone?! turkey!"

* this is the fourth visit to the doctor in five weeks for the same, radically stubborn sinus infection that has camped out for what (literally) feels like an eternity. tomorrow i start my fourth antibiotic.

**waiting is acceptable if, and only if, snacks and drinks are provided. waiting without snacks ends in lots of kicking and mom questioning whether or not we truly need whatever we are waiting for. we have now switched back to his old carseat with the clips at the chest and between his legs. his new carseat does not facilitate waiting very well. or driving, actually. it's a cool seat -- a booster with a back -- you just pull the regular seatbelt (with shoulder strap) around him to buckle him in. quick and easy. except whe he climbs out of it while we are cruising at 7omph down the highway and gives his mother a heart attack when she looks in the rearview mirror to see him standing behind her seat. someone must know where to buy a harness (or some other fantastic method of restraint). right? one of you knows? i hope.

Friday, May 23, 2008

why are elephants big, gray, and wrinkly?

cause if they were small, white, and smooth, they'd be aspirin.

so i guess i should explain that punkin threw his glass of water at oma after a series of events including us trying to take the salsa away from him after he repeatedly cried out in pain and then oma taking his straw (FIGHDER) away after he flicked water all over us. he really does love her, it just seems like he is hitting her more often than usual.

also, i ended up at another junior high dance tonight. after i went shopping and spent a little too much money on new shirts. but i am exempt from scolding for three reasons: 1) my friends made me go to a dance instead of out to eat and then back to their place --which costs nothing 2) buying new clothes that flatter and fit me boosts my self-esteem 3) i am going to the great state of wisconsin this weekend for a graduation party and to hang out with punkin's auntie. i need to look cute so my cousins and sister aren't embarassed.

now for a moment of complaining. ssi owes me $1500 for the past year because my child support was less than they thought it was (or was supposed to be). so they are putting it in punkin's dedicated (restricted) account. i was fine with this even though i'd honestly rather have it added to his monthly checks. until i learned that they had overpaid me for a few months. and instead of taking that money out of the $1500 they owe me, i have to either pay them or have it decucted in increments out of punkin's monthly checks. tell me this makes sense to you. actually, don't. just keep it to yourself.

now i am off to bed. or packing. packing. i never know what i'm going to want to wear. it's like when you have to order food days ahead of time. how do i know what i'm going to want to eat on tuesday? it's saturday for pete's sake!

which reminds me of when i was in the hospital after i gave birth to punkin. when i got pregnant i was very sick and lost over 15 pounds before i finally started gaining. i gained a very healthy amount. but then i was sick with gall bladder problems and was on a restricted diet, which made me lose a little more weight. so by the time i gave birth, my chart made it appear as though i had only gained 6 pounds during my pregnancy even though i had given birth to a 9 pound baby. a nutritionist came to talk to me about this 6 pound weight gain and in front of me was enough food to feed at least two people. cause i had to order it a day ahead of time. didn't know what i'd be hungry for, so i ordered it all. =)

happy memorial day, everyone! enjoy your weekend!

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

the last few days, in pictures

G.G's 75th birthday party! CHEESE!
Auntie spoils Muddah with a toe makeover.
I don't think it even needs a caption.
Jerk at the sunglass store said mine was the only pair.



Auntie puts money in a machine he didn't know moved.


After we landed the spaceshuttle, we went for Mexican food. Punkin seems to be a little angry with his Oma lately. Some repressed inner turmoil that results in him throwing his glass of water across the table at her. Good thing he's cute.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

smoke and burn

so i kinda had this problem for a couple weeks where my car wouldn't start the first few times i tried and then it would suddenly start right up. so i decided to ignore it. because, you know, that makes problems go away. so then this morning i pulled up to an intersection, puzzled because the radio kept cutting out. then i noticed the dash was dark. and the car died before i even had it completely stopped. and it smelled funny. oh, that'd be the burning. yucky burnt-plastic smoke billowed out of the hood in all directions and quickly filled the interior. i grabbed my purse, went to unlock punkin's door, of course couldn't and had to reach back to unlock the door from the inside, grabbed shoeless punkin, and prayed nothing would explode or burst into flames. and nothing did.

punkin cried, "da tar! tar! our tar!"

i carried him into a nearby gas station and slipped his shoes on. he was still crying when he spotted a bag, "tottorn? muddah? tottorn?" i bought him the cheesy popcorn. at 6:35a.m.

we headed back outside and called opa.

opa and a random man from the cab of a garbage truck pushed the car into our most trusted repair center a few hundred yards away. since the shop wasn't open yet, he drove us to work/school and drove back to talk to the guys at the shop.

a few hours later, opa called with good news. i mean, relatively. i thought for sure i'd be buying new transportation. turns out that whole thing i kept postponing looking into was my starter. and when you fry your starter, it fries the battery. and then thick gooey gell leaks all over your transmission. and it's stinky. and it creates some smoke. and kills the radio.

$550 and a few hours later, i have my car back. every time i turn the key i think, "will it start?" and of course it does. i think maybe i shouldn't ignore things anymore.

do you see what i see in all of this? the car died at a busy intersection, but on a side road rather than a crazy-busy main street. and this intersection happened to be within walking/pushing distance of a place that sold cheesy popcorn AND our favorite repair shop.

and this is the day opa goes into work late. and i made it to work before the core day started, so it wasn't a big inconvenience to me or anyone else.

and punkin stopped crying because he FINALLY ATE.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

you can tell a lot about a lady from the contents of her purse

One wallet with a full punch card for Pancheros. That's right, baby, free burrito for me! I also have photos of Punkin and my parents,

One clear bag with face powder, a folding brush, nail clippers, Burts Bees Lip Balm, Avon Naturals Lotion in peach, a black hair tie, and a super cool gray medium tip Uni Ball Vision Elite pen from my pastor.

An orange "Kiss Me I'm Lutheran" button.

One planner -- a dollar -- from Walgreens (love that place) with about three things written inside.

One checkbook.

One Buzz Lightyear leg.

One medium Twixit! Clip in sage green.

And one WIC folder with three months worth of milk, cheese, eggs, juice, and cereal rationed out in nine blue vouchers. The loved, the hated, the WIC. Love the break on groceries. Hate the advice about not pre-chewing my son's food or giving him more than 4 ounces of juice every day. The juice thing is ironic because they give me 276 ounces of juice each month -- more than twice the amount they recommend he actually consume in the same amount of time. But I digress...

One Hot Wheels yellow bus.

A schedule of my duties at work that I am supposed to revise.

A pink cell phone that was accidentally still on silent and missed three text messages.

One registration card for Punkin's new carseat. Which is an interesting development. It's one of those that uses a shoulder belt. You know, a shoulder belt that a feisty three-year-old can climb through? But I digress yet again....

One size five Luvs diaper and a small box of wipes.

And finally, one slightly foul food-related odor. Probably should have included my purse in the five loads of laundry I got through this afternoon. The laundry that is sitting in a pile between my kitchen and living room. The pile I have to step over to enter the kitchen. The pile I have no intention of touching now that it is 9:15pm.

What's the oddest thing in your purse? (Or man bag.)

Monday, May 12, 2008

ya name?

There was a sale at The Disney Store.... Oma said, and I quote, "This is why people should not give you money." =) Silly Oma. The Toy Story and Mickey Mouse Figurines were so CHEAP...er than usual. And big Buzz was irresistable! Woody NEEDS his sidekick. I bought these during my respite hours Friday night. I ended up coming home early because a certain recovering someone was very sad. And if I hadn't bought these figurines and dragged him out of bed to see them, he may never have cheered up. Right? Okay, fine. As toys go, I am my own worst enemy; I would buy everything if I could. Woody, Buzz. Buzz, Woody. Now kiss and say hello.
Is that a fragile x face or what? I also bought a light-up, magic-noise-making pink star wand. Why can't they make them green or blue? The story behind this purchase? Well, for a long time Mr. Punkin has had an obsession with long skinny objects. He flourishes them in the air like a sword and yells, "FIGHDER!" Couldn't tell you why. Anyway, a few weeks ago he started tapping me with my bamboo spatula and demanding, "Ya name." A few days later it became, "P P," tap, tap, "Ya name." Then he would tap himself, "Ma name." To make a long story short, I learned that in his room they sing a little song at circle time. "Hickety Pickety Bumble Bee, Can you say your name for me?....
......What's your name?"

Also, little boys named Punkin apparently LOVE being the alphabet pointer during circle time. According to the physical therapist I saw today, he would make sure everyone was watching, point to a row of letters, stop to make sure everyone was still watching, and point to the next row. All the while beaming with pride.
AND I found out that social security will let us use money from his dedicated account to attend the Fragile X Conference in St. Louis!!! With registration, food, hotel, childcare, and transportation costs, the trip will easily cost a grand. Punkin will be attending (out of necessity). Oma will also be attending (because I insist). WOO-HOO!

Sunday, May 11, 2008

i'm back!

KISSES! That's drool on his chin.
Just like Oma. He proceeded to get out her moose and curling iron.
Pre-haircut. Such a stud! And yes, he put it on all by himself. And no, I didn't encourage it. I just snapped a photo. Hanging out at the tractor museum with Opa and our "FRIENDS!" as Punkin exclaimed every time he saw my Aunt and cousins who came to visit for the weekend. He still asks for them.

They were handing them out for FREE! This is the same night Punkin ate chicken nuggets!
So, I got a new laptop. It's a HP. Gorgeousness. Great deal at the Best Buy. And it has a webcam, which I have no idea how to use.
And I missed my blogiversary! Happy one year blog birthday to me!
I have a lot to do to set up my computer, so that's all for now. Just wanted to share a few highlights.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Another substitute blogger

Punkin's Oma here.

Erika is still without her computer. The motherboard died. And to make it worse, she has been homebound with Punkin. She had a stomach virus which kept her home one day. When she picked up Punkin yesterday he had a fever. He went to bed early, threw up at 10 PM and slept till 8:30. She doesn't know why, but she took him to the doctor. She didn't notice the rash on his back, but his face was real red. He has strep. I brought them supper; but Punkin wanted none of it. He still has a rash on his face and back with 102 fever. Only wanted muddah and his videos. He didn't take a nap today even though he kept lying on his bed and trying to sleep. Hopefully he'll sleep well tonight.

Erika should be able to post this weekend. Till then, pray that she and Punkin recover soon.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

a bad day

Writing on behalf of "the other lion":

The computer is dead.

The other lion is sick.

Punkin has a fever of 101.5.

Lots of pictures of punkin's new haircut will have to be posted some other time.

Deciding on whether or not to fix computer or buy new one.

Note to self: Be more careful with laptop computer. Put in high, unreachable place when punkin is unsupervised.

The other lion's scribe is happy to check blog and pass on messages until computer situation is resolved.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

computer. broken. maybe hardware. maybe software. definitely need a new battery. at oma and opa's. using their mac G3 that will likely never break. so beautiful and white and not broken.

sinuses are revolting against the changing seasons.

there'd better be beer somewhere in my day tomorrow.

but in an effort to remain nauseatingly optimistic, i SO got paid a day early. thursday would feel like the new friday, except there's no vegging on the couch to the sounds of mickey mouse clubhouse tomorrow morning.